I am 35
years old, I have four beautiful children of my own and two wonderful stepsons,
I have an ex who I am still friends with and a partner that I am growing with
and loving more every day. I could have taken a few other roads in my life that
might have given me a better career or more money or something else I don’t
know I’m missing. I have had hardships and horrible moments in my life but in
all my years in this lifetime I only have one true regret and I’d like to share
it with you.
On July 24th,
1993, my grandmother passed away, she was 84 and died peacefully in her sleep
with my mother by her side. There was no shock to her death as she had been
quite ill beforehand and although I was sad that she had died, I didn’t grieve
for her much at that time. I was also 14 and going to camp so I had a lot to
distract me from grief.
The camp I
attended was called Teen Time and it was a wonderful place, lake, cabins,
horses, bears, campfires, games, and the whole package with some Christian
teachings in there as well. My brother and I had found the camp together and it
wasn’t long before we became fixtures of the place, more so my brother Desmond
as he loved horses and anything to do with ranching.
I was in
training to be a counselor that year and was having so much fun with friends
and animals but I was a little resentful towards Desmond because I was feeling
like I was often referred to as Desmond’s sister and longed to be recognized for
my own merits and not his. So even though we saw each other every day and
growing up we had been best friends, that summer, he was not my favorite person.
On the
evening of August 16th as we were all gathered around the campfire
while a leader spoke about Jesus and loss I finally came to a point of grief
for my grandmother. I was crying as everyone wandered off to their cabins for
the night and as I turned to go I saw my brother.
He saw me
crying and there was such love and understanding in his eyes, all I really
wanted to do was run into his arms and cry with him. I didn’t. Instead I chose to hang on to my anger
towards him and I left to go cry by myself on the beach.
That was
the last time I saw my brother.
He died the next day in a car accident on the
way to be in the local town’s parade.
When I think
of the children that died last Friday I think of that moment. My only moment of
regret.
My message
to you is to honor their deaths by loving the ones close to you.
Hug
everyone every day just because you can and let go of all the anger all the
resentments and bitterness, forgive everyone, including yourself and just love
everyone just because you can…today.
